Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
