my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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