ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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