your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize