Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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