its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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