I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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