dude i'm inner monologue high
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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