This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
