I could make wine with my vomit
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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