i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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