Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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