I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize