It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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