I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
