We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
