So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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