I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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