One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
