I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
