I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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