Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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