What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
