so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
