his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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