god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
