Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
