I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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