I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
