Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
