He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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