I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
