remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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