Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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