I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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