I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
