i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am midnight drunk by noon
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
