I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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