apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
