planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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