after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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