Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
