Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
