sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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