I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
