Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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