Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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