the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
