Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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