I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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