oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
