I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
