you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
