Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
