i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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