a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
