I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
