It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
