Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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