im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
