If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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