I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
