umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
