mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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