So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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