I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
