Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize