OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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