Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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