For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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