people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love you. Go after that dick
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
