just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
