A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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