If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
