Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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