your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
