Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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