Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
