it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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