Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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