Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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