he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
MIDGETS
????
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
