Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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