Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're too hungover to prance.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
