I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
