They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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