We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
