Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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