the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
