I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
