I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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