if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
